Looney Toon Watch: John McCain

John McCain has been in politics for decades. This is not his first presidential campaign. And he presumably has a circle of the best Republican advisors in the country helping him run his campaign. He should know what he's doing.

So who had the bright idea to put McCain on the Ellen Degeneres Show? Who actually pumped their fist in the air and said, "I've got it! We'll send John onto a popular daytime talk show hosted by an evil lesbian who, in defiance of all that is sacred and just, is getting married this summer to another evil lesbian, so that he can defend his bigotry towards homosexuals just like her. And then, to make it even better, we won't give John any preparation on how to respond to Ellen's questions. He can respond off the cuff, because he's so good at that. It'll be great!"

Witness the loonacy:


John McCain, and all of your advisors, y'all are one heckuva bunch of looney toons!

New product marketing plan

McDonald's is now offering Gourmet Fries. They're just like the old fries, but they're sprinkled with magic fairie dust to make you feel like a prude.

McDonald's new Gourmet Fries... you know you're worth it.

Reasons Hillary Should Not Drop Out

1. She could still win the nomination, provided that the Martians attack Luxembourg while Chelsea is vacationing there, so that she can demonstrate her impressive alien-ass-kicking skills for all the world, thereby proving that her mom is a compassionate woman who isn't afraid to beat the snot out of the bad guys. And if you missed the logic there, you're clearly too smart to be voting.
   
2. She is $20 million in debt, and there are still plenty of gullible Americans who will offer to help pay it off, even though she and Bill are gazillionaires.
3. I'm still hoping for a Dean-esque "rawwwwrrrrrrr" one of these times when she's on TV and listing out the states that still have to cast their votes. Come on, Hill', just once. Please???
   
4. Because stubbornness and the inability to see reality are important traits that Americans clearly admire in their president.
   
5. Its too much fun betting on how Bill will fuck things up tomorrow.

Looney Toon Watch: Monica Conyers

Today's Looney Toon is Detroit City Councilwoman Monica Conyers, who demonstrates in the video clip below what it means to be a role model in the fine city of Detroit:



The best part is when she tries to justify her behavior by suggesting that since it's okay for schoolchildren to act like, well, schoolchildren, then she shouldn't be held to any higher standard.

Having grown up in the Detroit area, seeing further evidence that the city's government is hosed is nothing out of the ordinary. It is, however, highly entertaining. After all, who doesn't love watching the sweet, innocent children put a corrupt politician in her place?

Monica Conyers, you're one heckuva looney toon!

MSNBC Parody

I'm a big fan of parody, especially with politics because its all such an absurd business, its begging to be made fun of. I must admit, I'm still proud of my attempt to parody one of the Republican debates, even though I'm quite certain I'm the only person who read it (where are my 7.12 readers?).

Still, it doesn't compare to this masterful smack on MSNBC pundits Chris Matthews and Tim Russert. Gawd. Just hilarious, and spot on. Here's an excerpt, but seriously, check out the whole thing:

Tim: You know, it reminds me a lot of when my dad, BIG RUSS, and I watched Bills games together. Just one of those real back-and-forth games. You had Jim Kelly, the great, All-pro quarterback. And you had Thurman Thomas, the wonderful running back. Those were real competitions. And that’s what we have here. A REAL competition. With Barack Obama, whose this sort of great, unpolished talent. Very much like Vince Young, the quarterback down in Tennessee.

Chris: I agree. I think he’s just like Vince Young, right down to the gay throwing motion. This REALLY is astounding. I’ve always said politics is just like football, and it’s showing here.

I Can't Get Behind That: Unexpected Defending Hillary Edition!

I can't get behind the whole "Hillary should drop out because she's dividing the Democratic Party and damaging our eventual nominee and aiding the terrorists and defying the will of the people and fighting a hopeless cause and scaring the children, the sweet innocent children, " argument.

Sure, we've got a heated nomination contest. But is it dividing the party? I don't think so. And whatever minimal division it is causing is, in my opinion, completely worth the ridiculous voter turnout we're seeing in every state. It's called party building, people, and that will help not only our presidential candidate, but every other Democratic candidate on the ballot this November, and in elections to come.

And as for the Obama-bashing she has executed so well, I happen to think that Obama needs to experience that. Because he is a relative novice, an untested candidate (which is different from being an untested leader), he's gonna face this kind of shit in the general election. Better he get used to it now. It will hopefully make him a stronger candidate versus McCain.

Lastly, I think the children deserve a little more credit - they're tough enough to handle Hillary's fear tactics.