Debate transcript

I happened to catch most of the Republican debate last night. This was perhaps the worst moderated, most poorly set up debate ever. It just sucked on production value (it was like watching Cloverfield at times) and substance.

However, it was highly entertaining!! It's always so much fun watching two bullies fight each other. Here is the transcript of one of the exchanges (this is verbatim, of course):

Anderson Cooper: "Senator McCain, please tell us why Governor Romney is such a fucking idiot."

John McCain: "Well, Anderson, I'm proud of my record on this issue. I have put my career and reputation on the line in order to ensure that the American people know the truth about Governor Romney. And while I have the utmost respect for him, the facts do not lie, and it cannot be denied that he is such a fucking idiot. I think my unwavering stand on this issue demonstrates my leadership skills, and I would bring those leadership skills to the White House."

Anderson Cooper: "Thank you, Senator, for not actually answering the question. Governor Romney, would you like to respond?"

Mitt Romney: "You bet your ass I would, Anderson. Listen, I'm not the fucking idiot on this stage. We've had 15 debates over nearly 12 months to talk about this issue, but Senator McCain is only bringing it up now? This is dirty politics, Anderson, and I think the American people see right through it."

John McCain: "He's a fucking idiot, Anderson, that's the buzzword."

Mitt Romney: "I only said that I'm a fucking idiot when it comes to automobile mechanics. And let me say again, it's been almost a year since I said that, and we've had 500 debates since then in which Senator McCain could have questioned me about it, but he didn't. He didn't, because he's only using it as a dirty political trick to try and distort my record. Which I'm proud of, by the way."

John McCain: "It was the buzzword at the time, "fucking idiot," everyone was saying that phrase. Except me of course, I have never said it, and I'm proud of my record of never having said it. I've staked my career and reputation on it."

Anderson Cooper: "Congressman Paul wants in on this question. Congressman, you have 2.5 seconds to respond and then I will rudely cut you off and go back to the real candidates in this race."

Ron Paul: "Well this is just nonsense, Anderson! The world is ENDING, and yet here we are talking about who's the bigger fucking idiot! Let's move beyond this childish rhetoric and talk about the real issues at hand."

Anderson Cooper: "Thank you Congressman, now back to Senator McCain. Senator, can you tell us more about your record?"

Mike Huckabee: "Hold on, Anderson, I've got a really masterful metaphor that I've been waiting to share, it will be funny and witty and I promise to smile when I say it."

Anderson Cooper: "Well, the next question is for Senator McCain--"

Mike Huckabee: "Please, pretty please? God thinks its a good idea."

Anderson Cooper: "Can't argue with that, I guess. Go ahead, Governor."

Mike Huckabee: "Thank you Anderson. You know, I had a dog once, who used to bark incessantly. So much so that we named it Hillary. But the difference is, Hillary the dog wasn't trying to destroy this country. That's why I'd be a good president."

Anderson Cooper: "Okay, moving on--"

John McCain: "Fucking idiot. That was the buzzword."

Mitt Romney: "Unbelievable! What a fucking idiot!"

John McCain: "I'm not the fucking idiot. You declared yourself the fucking idiot."

Mitt Romney: "I did not! Let me be perfectly clear on this: I am not a fucking idiot. Never have been, am not one now, and never will be."

John McCain: "Well, if you're not a fucking idiot now, but you were back then, then at the very least we should be able to agree that you're a flip flopper. And I'm proud of my record on flip floppers. I've staked my entire career and reputation on it."

Ron Paul: "Anderson, can we please talk about the END OF THE WORLD?"

Anderson Cooper: "I think we're seeing it start right on this stage."