Monday, December 22, 2008

Looney Toon Watch: Pope Benedict XVI

The Pope - this would be the straight old white man (the Pope is only allowed to be a straight old white man) who speaks on behalf of the entire Catholic Church and all Catholics the world 'round - this week reinforced the Church's homophobic bigotry by equating the threat of homosexuality with the need to save the planet:
Pope Benedict XVI has said that saving humanity from homosexual or transsexual behaviour is just as important as saving the rainforest from destruction.

He explained that defending God's creation is not limited to saving the environment, but also protecting man from self-destruction.
Apparently the planet's only worth saving if we can rid it of all the faggots in the process.

You can read the entire speech via the Vatican's web site, but only if you know Italian. (Pray to God tonight and if you're really good, he'll download the entire language into your brain while you sleep.)

Pope Benedict, now is the point in this blog entry when I call you one heckuva looney toon. But you're also one heckuva bigot. I'd say that to your face, but I have other equally important things to do, like converting to Buddhism and picking my nose (that's a form of meditation).

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Unbelievable Ignorant Ass Watch: Vice President Dick

Who better to resurrect this theme with than the Unholy Lord of Darkness himself, Vice President Dick Cheney?

Really, we should be grateful to Mr. Cheney, for giving us a reminder of just how rejoiceful we should be on January 20th when he is no longer in a position to destroy the moral fabric of our great nation.



You have to admire his compuction. I bet he wouldn't crumble under interrogation tactics like waterboarding...

Thursday, December 11, 2008

I told you so

On June 12, 2008, I said this:
I think Obama is going to turn the electoral map on its head, competing in some southern states and breaking the Republican lock on the mountain west. I predict that Obama wins in November with about 380 electoral votes. And furthermore, if I'm wrong, it'll be because I'm low.
(Well, okay, I got a little cocky there at the end. Still, give me some props, huh?)

Jolly Good Person Watch

Today's Jolly Good Person is Jon Stewart, who recently took Mike Huckabee to task for his opposition to marriage equality. Now, lots of people have argued for and against this issue, but what sets Jon Stewart apart is his surprising ability to articulate his views, and his rarest of abilities to not seem confrontational or judgmental in doing so.



Stewart/Colbert in 2016!

Ba(ra)ck.

At least 2 of my 11.922 readers have expressed concern over my conspicuous absence of late. Conspicuous because, you know, some stuff has been going on in the world that is ripe for blogging about. I'm referring to Britney, of course.

Oh, and the whole Obama thing.

You can actually blame Obama for my going MIA if you like. You see, his election as President threw me into quite an introspective mood. Its taken some time to find words for exactly how I feel about it. And without words, how do you blog?

It was quite an election, one for the history books, clearly. Everyone reacts differently to something like that. Going into election night, knowing that Obama was likely to win, I kind of expected that I would jump for joy, or cry, or burst into sparkles because I couldn't contain my excitement.

Instead, at 10:00 on election night, when the networks raced to get their flashy "Obama Wins!" graphics on screen, I sighed. I sighed the biggest sigh of my life. It just kept coming out, as if I'd been holding my breath for 8 years. 8 long years of fear, shock, disbelief, horror, disgust, and shame, all over at last. More than anything else, I was relieved.

Relieved that the campaign was over. Relieved that the Bush years were almost over. Relieved that John McCain wasn't going to be our next president. Relieved that Sarah Palin wasn't going to be our next president. Relieved that voters had made the right choice. Relieved that intelligence, rationality, and sensibility were returning to government. Relieved that no one got shot or killed.

Relieved to have my faith in my country restored, and to be a proud American for the first time in my adult life.

Shortly after the election, I was speaking to a friend who voted for McCain. He was cautioning against putting too much faith and hope at the feet of one man, and I explained to him that my hope and optimism for the future was born not just from the president I believe Obama will be, but also from the new sense of patriotism that he had magically inspired in people across the country. I feel like I live in the United States of America again. People are engaged and passionate about their country, they've woken up and are ready to be heard again. We've got something to prove, and we're proving it.

Have you seen this?



That is what gives me hope. (And goosebumps, every time.)

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Books going the way of music?

This is an interesting read about the implications of Amazon.com's Kindle and other digital book readers. (Simply put, the Kindle is to books and magazines as the iPod is to music.)

I immediately rejected the very notion as nonsense. Afterall, part of the joy of reading books is in flipping the pages, feeling the covers, and even smelling the newness (or oldness) of the paper. The physical, tactile aspect of reading is important and necessary. Reading from an electronic pad would rob the other senses of sharing in the experience. Why, it'd be like eating without being able to see or smell the food!

But it was not too many years ago when I had similar feelings about music. What about the CD art and liner notes? Won't the MP3 revolution banish the "album" to the past? I take pride in my giant 300-capacity CD stand and all of the treasures it holds. And its fun flipping through the CDs to find just right music for the occasion.

Ultimately, of course--and with surprisingly little resistance--all of those concerns gave way to the lifestyle-changing convenience offered by my iPod. I now have my entire music collection at home, at work, on the bus, at the gym, in the car, in bed, in the bathroom, on vacation. MP3s are cheaper, easier to find, faster to obtain, and less environmentally wasteful than CDs ever were or could be. iTunes even offers a jukebox-style interface for those of us who love to "flip" through our music collection. And really, did you ever look at the liner notes more than once? No, you didn't. And be honest: you don't miss them at all.

So here I sit, looking around my living room... at the three overflowing bookcases (one of which used to be my CD stand)... at all the space they take up and all the trees that died in order to make me feel really intelligent (I've only read about 10% of the books I have on display)... at all the dust that blankets the uneven rows of books. And I think about how many times I've gone on vacation and found myself wishing I'd brought along that new sci fi novel instead of this FDR biography. And all the heavy boxes full of books that I've been lugging around with me in life, the strained back muscles and the crushed toes.

And suddenly it seems an awfully neat idea to have my entire library at my fingertips, on a smooth, shiny little electronic device. I'm sure there will be leather covers we'll be able to slip our Kindles into. Who knows, maybe they could even infuse them with a slight musky aroma.

And think of all the stuff I could buy to take the place of those monstrous book shelves!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Looney Toon Watch: Laurie Coleman

This one is priceless, folks. Truly.

Laurie Coleman, former runway model and wife of Senator Norm Coleman (R-MN), has invented a truly remarkable product: The Blo & Go hands-free blowdryer holster.

You must read the Washington Post article on this. It touches on the somewhat suspect connotations that this product's name generates:

Coleman's voice registers shock -- and dismay-- that anyone would make such a connection. "I didn't think of that," she says. And then she goes further to point out that the name wasn't even her idea. It came out of a committee. It was all in the brainstorming, during which "Freedom Styler" was rejected. And so it went: You get your hair blown out. You need a blowout. You get blown . . . out. And then you go. Bingo: "Blo & Go!"

Coleman's portable little device doesn't grip the nozzle of the blow-dryer; instead, it cradles the handle. It holds by suction to any flat surface such as a mirror. "I needed something of great quality that was really going to stay up," she says. "The whole key to this is the suction."

They tried to get a quote from Norm, but he at least had the smarts to realize the political sensitivity of this. Too bad they didn't ask his election opponent, Al Franken, to weigh in. I'm sure he wouldn't mind going on the record on this one.

Laurie Coleman, you're not only one heckuva looney toon, you're the looniest toon I've featured so far.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Best Damn Dozen Songs You've Never Heard

  1. Counting Crows - Holiday in Spain
  2. Ryan Adams - Harder Now That It's Over
  3. Dixie Chicks - The Long Way Around
  4. Dan Wilson - Free Life
  5. Jackson Browne - The Load Out (Stay)
  6. Damien Rice - Elephant
  7. Jeff Buckley - Everybody Here Wants You
  8. Joan Osborne - Crazy Baby
  9. Train - Hopeless
  10. Eagles - The Last Resort
  11. Josh Ritter - Girl in the War
  12. Bruce Springsteen - Jungleland

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Independence Day Quotation

Russ Feingold, responding to the Congressional battle over the FISA bill:
I tease some of my colleagues - I say, we can celebrate the Constitution on July 4th and maybe when we come back you'll decide not to tear it up.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Looney Toon Watch: Russia

This article was brought to my attention via Andrew Sullivan's blog over at the Atlantic Monthly. And I was so impressed by it, that I decided it deserved mention on my even more prestigious blog (in your face, Sullivan).

The picture is the best part, so click on the link, but here's the opening line from the article:
A monument to the enema, a procedure many people would rather not think about, has been unveiled at a spa in the southern Russian city of Zheleznovodsk.
The cute, naked, little children are a nice touch, don't you think?

Oh, Russia, you're all a bunch of looney toons!

Bonus question: Anyone who can correctly pronounce the name of that town will be featured as my next Jolly Good Person.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Wisdom

Wise words from Garrison Keillor:
People who aren't real to each other are dangerous to each other. Stories give us the simple empathy that is the basis of the Golden Rule, which is the basis of civilized society.
The whole column is really great, one of his best of late.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Unbelievable Ignorant Ass Watch: President Shrub

Here we go again. In response to the flooding in Gulfport, IL, where the levee just broke:
"I, unfortunately, have been to too many disasters as president," Bush said after a briefing on the flooding.
Do you think John McCain cries every time this ignorant fool opens his mouth? I mean, gee, George, maybe seeing as how you've been President of the United States for 8 years, you could have done something to prevent the levees from breaking.

Oh, and how has our next president been responding to this disaster? He's been doing something about it:

Looney Toon Watch: Sen. John Cornyn

Whoa.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Video: Obama on Father's Day

Here is how Obama will reclaim "family" as a Democratic value.



Damn, he's good.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Presidential Election Prediction

I think Obama is going to turn the electoral map on its head, competing in some southern states and breaking the Republican lock on the mountain west. I predict that Obama wins in November with about 380 electoral votes. And furthermore, if I'm wrong, it'll be because I'm low.

Oooo, look at me, going out on a limb. I'm so dangerous! Zoolander face.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Jolly Good Person Watch

I'm digging the recurring nature of many of my posts, so today I'd like to start up another thread. It's kind of a counterbalance to the Looney Toon Watch, and I'm calling it the Jolly Good Person Watch. Now, this flies in the face of my innate cynicism, but I like to think of myself as a happy cynic: one who assumes the worst but holds out hope for something better.

So in that spirit, I am pleased to announce that today's Jolly Good Person is Howard Dean, the man who turned me from a cynical cynic into a happy cynic.

The reason the Chairman of the Democratic Party gets to be my first Jolly Good Person is because today Barack Obama's campaign announced that they would actively compete in all 50 states. The Democrats haven't had a candidate who ran in all 50 states since, well, before there were 50 states.

Obama deserves major kudos for this decision, of course, and he seems to be a jolly good person in his own right, but Howard Dean laid the groundwork for Obama to even be in a position to make such a decision. In his 4 years as DNC Chair, Dean has actively persued a 50 state strategy to help Democrats at all levels of the ballot, and the party now has permanent paid staff in every state. That paid staff is in no small part responsible for the crazy ridiculous voter turnout for the Democratic candidates during the primary season. And they will be a critical part of Obama's campaign to win the general election.

I was as passionate a Dean supporter 4 years ago as you could find, and I was totally crushed when his campaign for president ended. But now, 4 years later, I am convinced that that was the best thing that could have happened, and that Dean is far better off as DNC Chair, where he really has represented and restored the "Democratic Wing of the Democratic Party."

He is a jolly good person, who deserves enormous credit for his long-term vision to help steer this country back on track.

And you can bet Barack Obama knows how lucky he is to have Dean at the DNC.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Speech Summaries

John McCain said...
My friends, let us recognize the distinguished service of Senator Clinton and the profound campaign she has run. My friends, she has inspired us all, and by all rights should have been the Democratic nominee. My friends, I am proud to call her my friend. In fact, my friends, she is more than just a friend to me. My friends, I think I am in love with Hillary Clinton. She is my hero, my friends. And, my friends, I congratulate her on her historic campaign and for trying to show the American people how wrong an Obama presidency would be for our great nation.

My friends, Senator Obama talks a lot about change. And if I didn't have to go to bed soon, I would take this time to rattle off a bunch of untruths about things he has said and done, my friends, that clearly and convincingly show that he is not offering change we can believe in. Most importantly, he won't go to Iraq with me, my friends. He is an unpatriotic, terrorist-loving, NPR-listening, latte-drinking, volvo-driving, tax-and-spend liberal communist traitor who will lead this country to its ruin.

That is the hope and optimism I offer you, my friends. I will lead this coun-- (watching their ratings plummet before their eyes, all the networks cut away to talk about exit polling...)

Hillary Clinton said...
Thank you everyone for joining me in the basement tonight to celebrate our win in South Dakota! I appreciate your support, South Dakota, and I thank all of my supporters there for their hard work.

I also want to congratulate Barack Obama.

Now, back to me. A lot of people are asking, 'What does Hillary want?" Well, let me tell you what I want. I want the same things I've wanted this entire campaign. I want health insurance for all Americans! I want our troops out of Iraq, even though I helped put them there! I want to save the planet! And I want someone to hurry up and find some juicy dirt on Barack so I can be the nominee!

Because of all of this, I am not going to make any decisions tonight. You all voted for me, and you deserve respect for that. I'm going to get it for you, even if it means losing in November! That's how deep my devotion to you goes!

(Also, please go to HillaryClinton.com and send me some money because I'm broke.)

Barack Obama said... well, watch for yourself, because I can't joke on something so awesome and inspiring:

Friday, May 23, 2008

Looney Toon Watch: John McCain

John McCain has been in politics for decades. This is not his first presidential campaign. And he presumably has a circle of the best Republican advisors in the country helping him run his campaign. He should know what he's doing.

So who had the bright idea to put McCain on the Ellen Degeneres Show? Who actually pumped their fist in the air and said, "I've got it! We'll send John onto a popular daytime talk show hosted by an evil lesbian who, in defiance of all that is sacred and just, is getting married this summer to another evil lesbian, so that he can defend his bigotry towards homosexuals just like her. And then, to make it even better, we won't give John any preparation on how to respond to Ellen's questions. He can respond off the cuff, because he's so good at that. It'll be great!"

Witness the loonacy:


John McCain, and all of your advisors, y'all are one heckuva bunch of looney toons!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

New product marketing plan

McDonald's is now offering Gourmet Fries. They're just like the old fries, but they're sprinkled with magic fairie dust to make you feel like a prude.

McDonald's new Gourmet Fries... you know you're worth it.

Reasons Hillary Should Not Drop Out

  1. She could still win the nomination, provided that the Martians attack Luxembourg while Chelsea is vacationing there, so that she can demonstrate her impressive alien-ass-kicking skills for all the world, thereby proving that her mom is a compassionate woman who isn't afraid to beat the snot out of the bad guys. And if you missed the logic there, you're clearly too smart to be voting.
  2. She is $20 million in debt, and there are still plenty of gullible Americans who will offer to help pay it off, even though she and Bill are gazillionaires.
  3. I'm still hoping for a Dean-esque "rawwwwrrrrrrr" one of these times when she's on TV and listing out the states that still have to cast their votes. Come on, Hill', just once. Please???
  4. Because stubbornness and the inability to see reality are important traits that Americans clearly admire in their president.
  5. Its too much fun betting on how Bill will fuck things up tomorrow.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Looney Toon Watch: Monica Conyers

Today's Looney Toon is Detroit City Councilwoman Monica Conyers, who demonstrates in the video clip below what it means to be a role model in the fine city of Detroit:



The best part is when she tries to justify her behavior by suggesting that since it's okay for schoolchildren to act like, well, schoolchildren, then she shouldn't be held to any higher standard.

Having grown up in the Detroit area, seeing further evidence that the city's government is hosed is nothing out of the ordinary. It is, however, highly entertaining. After all, who doesn't love watching the sweet, innocent children put a corrupt politician in her place?

Monica Conyers, you're one heckuva looney toon!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

MSNBC Parody

I'm a big fan of parody, especially with politics because its all such an absurd business, its begging to be made fun of. I must admit, I'm still proud of my attempt to parody one of the Republican debates, even though I'm quite certain I'm the only person who read it (where are my 7.12 readers?).

Still, it doesn't compare to this masterful smack on MSNBC pundits Chris Matthews and Tim Russert. Gawd. Just hilarious, and spot on. Here's an excerpt, but seriously, check out the whole thing:

Tim: You know, it reminds me a lot of when my dad, BIG RUSS, and I watched Bills games together. Just one of those real back-and-forth games. You had Jim Kelly, the great, All-pro quarterback. And you had Thurman Thomas, the wonderful running back. Those were real competitions. And that’s what we have here. A REAL competition. With Barack Obama, whose this sort of great, unpolished talent. Very much like Vince Young, the quarterback down in Tennessee.

Chris: I agree. I think he’s just like Vince Young, right down to the gay throwing motion. This REALLY is astounding. I’ve always said politics is just like football, and it’s showing here.

I Can't Get Behind That: Unexpected Defending Hillary Edition!

I can't get behind the whole "Hillary should drop out because she's dividing the Democratic Party and damaging our eventual nominee and aiding the terrorists and defying the will of the people and fighting a hopeless cause and scaring the children, the sweet innocent children, " argument.

Sure, we've got a heated nomination contest. But is it dividing the party? I don't think so. And whatever minimal division it is causing is, in my opinion, completely worth the ridiculous voter turnout we're seeing in every state. It's called party building, people, and that will help not only our presidential candidate, but every other Democratic candidate on the ballot this November, and in elections to come.

And as for the Obama-bashing she has executed so well, I happen to think that Obama needs to experience that. Because he is a relative novice, an untested candidate (which is different from being an untested leader), he's gonna face this kind of shit in the general election. Better he get used to it now. It will hopefully make him a stronger candidate versus McCain.

Lastly, I think the children deserve a little more credit - they're tough enough to handle Hillary's fear tactics.

Friday, April 4, 2008

I Can Get Behind That: Duh Edition


I share this video not to attack John McCain (although it's a legitimate criticism), but because I continue to be dumbfounded by how much lip service we pay our troops, and how rarely we back it up. We don't pay for their education, we don't sufficiently support their families while they're serving, we don't give them adequate armor and weaponry, and we don't deply them responsibly.

These men and women deserve a free ride for life, if you ask me. But to start, can't we at least give them a free education?

The new G.I. Bill: Can't we all get behind that?

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Things you shouldn't do when trying to sell me a car

  1. Suggest I test drive a vehicle I clearly have no interest in, just so you can get rid of me for a few minutes to attend to a different customer.
  2. Disappear every 2 minutes to make sure your boss agrees with whatever lie you're about to tell me.
  3. Call me "Buddy" upon first meeting. Maybe, maybe when I'm 50 years old, you've sold me a dozen cars over my lifetime, and our children play together in my private amusement park (because I'll be filty rich) on the weekends. Maybe.
  4. Suggest I try out a Lexus if I've already made it clear I'm not looking to pay much more than $20K.
  5. Complain profusely about having to clean the snow off of the car I'm asking to test drive. I can't control the weather. And I sure as hell ain't gonna scrape the damn windows. Take the time to think up ways to screw me without my knowing.
  6. Speaking of which, I really would appreciate not knowing. So don't suggest that license fees and first payment on a lease would add up to about $1000 up front. The way to conceal your lies is not to be blatant about them.
  7. Assume that I have a wife and kids who would "love riding in this with you."
  8. Try to talk me into a Hummer when I stated up front that I was looking for something with good gas mileage. Come on. Also, don't try to convince me that 15 mpg is "decent."
  9. Promise you'll call me on Monday with a quote, and then don't.
  10. Suggest that I could install some custom padding to reduce the pain in my knees caused by your uncomfortable vehicle.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Looney Toon Watch: Michelle Bachmann

I'm not sure if this will turn into a regular segment on this oh-so-popular blog, but this is the inaugural edition of The Looney Toon Watch. And our first Looney Toon? Representative Michelle Bachmann of Minnesota's 6th Congressional District. Everybody's favorite reality-hating nut-job. So many ways to describe her, so few pejoratives in the English language...

This week Ms. Bachmann is introducing a landmark bit of legislation in the House. It's title, really, says it all: "The Light Bulb Freedom of Choice Act." And the gist of the bill? According to the Star Tribune, "the bill seeks to repeal the nationwide phase-out of conventional light bulbs."

According to Bachmann, "This is an issue of science over fads and fashions." In case you're missing the irony here, Michelle Bachmann, who is also quoted in the article as claiming that global warming is "voodoo, nonsense, hokum, a hoax," is bringing this bill on behalf of science.

She's also arguing that this is a government intrusion of personal freedoms and privacy. In case you're once again missing the irony here, Michelle Bachmann, who is arguably the leading crusader in Congress for having the government tell people whether they can get married, is bring this bill on behalf of limited government intervention in our lives.

Michelle Bachmann, you're one heckuva looney toon.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

8 Reasons Facebook Frightens Me

  1. Most of it doesn't make sense to me, which says more about me than it does the site.
  2. People are willing to pay a buck to send a Facebook friend a virtual gift that is completely devoid of any value or meaning.
  3. Since joining the site, my sense of self-worth has become solely dependent on how many Facebook friends I have.
  4. Total strangers can poke you.
  5. Totally hot strangers never poke me.
  6. People I don't even like in the real world want to be my friends. And yet, they may help out with #3, so...
  7. I have updated my Facebook status at least 5 times in the past 8 hours. And each time I rapidly clapped my hands like an evil nerd who just figured out how to make the Windows logo drip with the virtual blood of Bill Gates.
  8. I have been attacked by virtual zombies.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Highlight of my day

Today, I spent nearly 20 minutes of my life trying to explain to an engineer that, in fact, nobody in the world except for members of his profession speak, read, or write the word "invariant" without rolling their eyes at their own ass-ness.

Furthermore, arguing that "invariant" and "constant" do not mean the same thing need not require postulations (his word) on the meaning of Pi.

Friday, March 21, 2008

I Can Get Behind That

A friend recently sent me flowers and a balloon as a get well wish. This totally rules on its own. However, the balloon has turned into the most entertaining item in my house. Not only does it float around on its own, showing up when you least expect it, but it has also completely captivated the cats.

Fanty was the first to discover that a string hangs down from the balloon -- a string which must be attacked, chewed, clawed, mangled, shredded, and generally abused. Mingo quickly got over his initial panic at the sound the balloon makes when it bounces against the ceiling, and now they take turns jumping up at the string and trying to pull it down to the ground with their teeth. Oh the acrobatics!! And Fanty has even taken to getting the string in his mouth and then taking the balloon for a stroll through the house. Its like they are best friends.

Helium balloons turned ultimate cat toys: I can get behind that!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Activities to Avoid After Novocaine

  1. Drinking water. You may think you're swallowing, but actually your dribbling it down your shirt.
  2. Chewing food. You may think that's a bagel your chewing, but its actually the inside of your cheek.
  3. Speeding. Yebbus, obbither, whabbut beems oo be dee pobem?
  4. Attend your annual performance review. Difficult to make your case for a raise with saliva sliding down your chin.
  5. Singing. Never mind that you'll sound like a fool, this can actually be a dangerous activity when you don't have full control of the muscles in your mouth.
  6. Ordering food from a drive thru. You may think you said, "Whopper with cheese and a small fry," but what you got was a grilled chicken sandwich, hold the mayo, with an iced tea and an apple pie.
  7. Getting photographed. You may think you smiled...
  8. Making out... and more. Just whose tongue are you sucking on?

Monday, February 18, 2008

This is not a time to play it safe

I've hemmed and hawed quite a bit this election, trying to decide which candidate I like the most.

(And can I just pause to revel in that statement... because it's so nice to not be settling for the lesser of two weevils!)

The reason I decided on Obama is because this is an election in which I feel its important to take a risk. We're at a point where we need a president who will dramatically shift the direction this country is taking. We can't play it safe this time. Hillary would be a fine president, and in a different election, I'd be happy to vote for her. Even John McCain probably wouldn't be a disastrous president (well, the bar has been set awfully low...). But for this election, we don't need a safe candidate, we need a bold candidate.

We need someone bold enough to remind the rest of the world that America really is a beacon of hope, that we are not to be feared. That we are here to lead, not hinder, the way to a better future.

We need someone bold enough to conduct an honest foreign policy.

We need someone bold enough to acknowledge our failing education and health care systems, and to lead the way towards the right solutions.

And we need a President who is bold enough to finally set this nation's sights squarely on overcoming the global climate crisis. The time for debating the nature of this crisis has long passed, its now time to debate how we survive it.

I'm not naive to the risks that an Obama candidacy and presidency pose. He's gonna have a heck of a fight on his hands against John McCain, and I worry that he won't have the spine to stick up for himself. I have no doubt that Hillary Clinton would dish it right back at John McCain. But I also know that Obama has the potential to defend himself while also rising above the mudslinging.

And yes, absolutely, Barack Obama doesn't have the government experience that either Clinton or McCain offer. But if you read history, you know that the greatest presidents weren't necessarily the most experienced. The greatest presidents were those who surrounded themselves with advisors and a cabinet full of experience and insight, and who kept an open mind when listening to their advice before making a decision. If Obama can follow this precedent, which George Bush has so drastically disregarded, then I have no concerns that he'll be a competent President.

If asked, most voters would say that a candidate's stand on the issues is the most important criteria, but I think the issues are just the first test. When looking at a pool of candidates, we first weed out those with whom we disagree on the issues. If we're lucky, as we are this primary season, that won't narrow the field down to just one candidate. What, then, do you judge them on?

Their character. Their strength of will. Their vision. Their ability to inspire or move us. Their talent for showing us a different, better way forward. These are all the things that this country is in desperate need of. And these are all the things that Barack Obama is offering.

4 years from now, its possible we'll look back on this election and regret electing Barack Obama. He may turn out to be a horrible president. Anything is possible, and we can't really know for certain going into it. But regardless of how history judges him, we'll be able to say that we had the courage to take a chance on hope. That, in my opinion, is far better than playing it safe and being the same or worse off because of it. There's too much at stake, and we cannot afford not to be bold this November.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Jane Fonda a Traitor, Again

Jane Fonda said "cunt" on national television recently.

Does it concern anyone else that Americans coast to coast get so riled up over a word, which regardless of its connotations is perfectly harmless because its a word, yet they can remain so apathetic about the daily deathcount in Iraq, the looming global warming crisis, and our President's historic and criminal attack on civil rights and freedoms?

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Feeling bloggy

Look at me, blogging up a storm all of a sudden. I think this is my fourth post in half as many days. I rule.

I have several nonpolitical observations and thoughts to share with my 4.8 readers:
  • This could be my very last blog post ever. I'm going to Colorado for the next week, and have resigned myself to dying on the slopes. All I'm hoping for is that I die cleverly and unusually. Running into a tree is soooo cliche. Instead, I'd like to die in a series of tumbles, rolls, and bounces that culminate in my wiping out some pain-in-the-ass teenage snowboarders before landing so unfortunately on the pointy end of a ski pole, which spears me through the heart. Kinda like how that scientist guy dies in the beginning of the movie Serenity (only without the creepy bounty hunter guy). That's my geek reference for the day.
  • I just turned down a free one week trip to Ireland in March. My boss wants to send me an another guy out there to slap some people around. Unfortunately, I have some personal life conflicts that cannot be avoided, so I can't go. SUCK.
  • "Sweet Jesus!" is my new catchphrase. Hopefully I can offend a few more crazy God-nuts this way.
  • I recorded the two hour premier of Lost last night, but am still debating whether to bother watching it. When a show has gotten so confusing and convoluted that they have to run hints, memory-joggers, and clues along the bottom of the screen so the viewers aren't completely clueless, I can't help but question whether it's still a show worth watching. Besides, having recently become completely addicted to Project Runway, I have enough dramatic television to watch.
  • Switching from Gay to Manly-Man mode... the Red Wings are freakin' on fire this season! Dare I dream that they'll at least make it to the conference finals? I just hope they don't get too full of themselves during the trading season. The team is kinda perfect just the way they are. Don't mess with a great thing.
  • In other sports thoughts, I'm a little disappointed that I'm going to miss the Superbowl this year. I'm not a football fan, but I suspect this game is going to be one of those rare but special historic sporting moments. For what its worth, I hope the Patriots win. They deserve to end the season as perfectly as they've played it all along. (I'm also going to miss out on an even bigger spectator sport: Super Duper Tuesday. But I promised I wouldn't talk about politics in this post.)

Debate transcript

I happened to catch most of the Republican debate last night. This was perhaps the worst moderated, most poorly set up debate ever. It just sucked on production value (it was like watching Cloverfield at times) and substance.

However, it was highly entertaining!! It's always so much fun watching two bullies fight each other. Here is the transcript of one of the exchanges (this is verbatim, of course):
Anderson Cooper: "Senator McCain, please tell us why Governor Romney is such a fucking idiot."

John McCain: "Well, Anderson, I'm proud of my record on this issue. I have put my career and reputation on the line in order to ensure that the American people know the truth about Governor Romney. And while I have the utmost respect for him, the facts do not lie, and it cannot be denied that he is such a fucking idiot. I think my unwavering stand on this issue demonstrates my leadership skills, and I would bring those leadership skills to the White House."

Anderson Cooper: "Thank you, Senator, for not actually answering the question. Governor Romney, would you like to respond?"

Mitt Romney: "You bet your ass I would, Anderson. Listen, I'm not the fucking idiot on this stage. We've had 15 debates over nearly 12 months to talk about this issue, but Senator McCain is only bringing it up now? This is dirty politics, Anderson, and I think the American people see right through it."

John McCain: "He's a fucking idiot, Anderson, that's the buzzword."

Mitt Romney: "I only said that I'm a fucking idiot when it comes to automobile mechanics. And let me say again, it's been almost a year since I said that, and we've had 500 debates since then in which Senator McCain could have questioned me about it, but he didn't. He didn't, because he's only using it as a dirty political trick to try and distort my record. Which I'm proud of, by the way."

John McCain: "It was the buzzword at the time, "fucking idiot," everyone was saying that phrase. Except me of course, I have never said it, and I'm proud of my record of never having said it. I've staked my career and reputation on it."

Anderson Cooper: "Congressman Paul wants in on this question. Congressman, you have 2.5 seconds to respond and then I will rudely cut you off and go back to the real candidates in this race."

Ron Paul: "Well this is just nonsense, Anderson! The world is ENDING, and yet here we are talking about who's the bigger fucking idiot! Let's move beyond this childish rhetoric and talk about the real issues at hand."

Anderson Cooper: "Thank you Congressman, now back to Senator McCain. Senator, can you tell us more about your record?"

Mike Huckabee: "Hold on, Anderson, I've got a really masterful metaphor that I've been waiting to share, it will be funny and witty and I promise to smile when I say it."

Anderson Cooper: "Well, the next question is for Senator McCain--"

Mike Huckabee: "Please, pretty please? God thinks its a good idea."

Anderson Cooper: "Can't argue with that, I guess. Go ahead, Governor."

Mike Huckabee: "Thank you Anderson. You know, I had a dog once, who used to bark incessantly. So much so that we named it Hillary. But the difference is, Hillary the dog wasn't trying to destroy this country. That's why I'd be a good president."

Anderson Cooper: "Okay, moving on--"

John McCain: "Fucking idiot. That was the buzzword."

Mitt Romney: "Unbelievable! What a fucking idiot!"

John McCain: "I'm not the fucking idiot. You declared yourself the fucking idiot."

Mitt Romney: "I did not! Let me be perfectly clear on this: I am not a fucking idiot. Never have been, am not one now, and never will be."

John McCain: "Well, if you're not a fucking idiot now, but you were back then, then at the very least we should be able to agree that you're a flip flopper. And I'm proud of my record on flip floppers. I've staked my entire career and reputation on it."

Ron Paul: "Anderson, can we please talk about the END OF THE WORLD?"

Anderson Cooper: "I think we're seeing it start right on this stage."

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Bye Bye Rudy

Rudy's a goner. I'm sure that all 3 people who actually felt he'd be a good president are in mourning. I'm not one of them, but I do mourn his departure just because it moves the Republicans a step closer to finding a candidate, and I've really been enjoying this cluster fuck of a Republican primary.

So I guess its down to McCain and Romney. The Fear-mongerer vs The Slimeball. I hope it gets nasty! Maybe Mitt could swiftboat McCain by suggesting that he severed the head of his pet snake and shared its blood with an illegal immigrant, and then McCain could fire back by suggesting that Romney is secretly sleeping between Bill and Hillary each night in an effort to get a taste of their political genius. Hm, I wonder which is more offensive to Republican blowhards: sex with Bill or sex with Hillary?

And is Ron Paul still running? Or, in his quest to dismantle the entire government, has he accidentally dismantled his campaign, too? (Sorry, that was a cheap shot. Its just that the more I read about his domestic policy ideas, the less I think of him. But he still gets it on foreign policy, so I guess I should be nice.)

Okay, I'm done making fun of the Republicans. For now. Back to the Britney Spears story...

Bye Bye Edwards

John Edwards dropped his presidential bid today. It was inevitable, but regretful just the same. For all of Hillary's supposed experience and all of Obama's promises of change, only John Edwards brought real passion and sobering honesty to this campaign.

Four years ago I voted for him at my precinct caucus because he was the only choice left whose name wasn't John Kerry. But this time around I would have voted for him because he earned my respect and, thus, my vote.

So, Barack Obama it is. I'll proudly cast my vote for him.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Time to get my geek on

They've finally released the first official picture from the new Star Trek movie:


How can you not get excited by that??? It looks meaner and badder. It looks kick ass. :)

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

I Can't Get Behind That (Special Election Edition)

Mike Huckabee: I can't get behind a wackaloon like you.

As I've been talking politics with friends and family of late, I've kind of gone out of my way to defend Huckabee as an intelligent, well-meaning Republican who I disagree with, wouldn't vote for, but wouldn't be entirely offended by if he were President.

And then Mike went and said this:



Key quotation:
"[Some of my opponents] do not want to change the Constitution, but I believe it's a lot easier to change the constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God, and that's what we need to do is to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than try to change God's standards."
That's a rather historic statement to make. Has there ever been a presidential candidate who so blatantly and directly proposed that we so completely unseparate religion and government? You know, I'm a strong supporter of marriage rights for all, but I must make an exception and insist that Church and State should never be wed together.

So forget everything I said about Mike Huckabee. He's a total looney toon. Which finally explains why he has so much support in his party.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Thank you WGA!

I've been loathing the upcoming onslaught of shitty reality programming that will be flooding our TV airwaves this spring and summer thanks to the lack of quality scripted television resulting from the writers strike.

However, I must admit I'm totally excited about this resurrection:
"The Mole" has infiltrated ABC once again. The network announced Tuesday that it's bringing back the unscripted series for a summertime run.
The Mole remains my favorite reality show of all time, and I was so frustrated when it went celebrity and then went bye-bye. I can't wait to see the new season!

Friday, January 4, 2008

Iowans get it right this time

Being an embittered Howard Dean follower in 2004, I have a love-hate (mostly hate) relationship with Iowa. But last night, watching as an undecided spectator, I was delighted with the candidates that Iowa chose in their caucuses. Not necessary because I am infatuated with either Obama or Huckabee, but because their very presence and momentum in this race seems a good omen.

While Obama and Huckabee are far apart ideologically on most of the issues, they have two important things in common: sincerity and intelligence. If you haven't already seen them, watch their victory speeches (I've embedded them below). I, for one, am just happy that they can speak above a 1st grade level. I'm kind of excited at the idea of hearing these two candidates debate. They might actually have a real discussion, rather than just flinging mud back and forth. (Although I'm sure there will be plenty of that as well.)

So way to go Iowa, for making this race interesting.