I Can't Get Behind That

I can't get behind stupid shoppers. They're inconsiderate, socially inept idiots who are usually too busy talking on the phone to keep out of the damn way. Carts get stopped in the middle of the aisle. People don't slow down as they turn a corner. Mothers let their children run around causing havoc. Bargain hunters stop their cart in the middle of the entrance, blocking everyone else from entering, while they read through the coupon sheet to see if their Depends are on sale.

Well, last night, in a Seinfeldian sort of way, I drew the line! There was this one woman who was talking on the phone, thus paying zero attention to anyone else. I'm convinced she didn't even know what she was grabbing off the shelves. Yet, she would leave her cart crooked, blocking the entire aisle, while she stared blankly at the shelves (too busy talking to stay on task). After about the third time this happened to me, I decided to take action. It was in the cereal aisle -- a cluster-fuck on a good day. After I picked out my Cocoa Puffs, I headed down the aisle, approaching her cart. Rather than stop, I just kept on going. Rammed right into her cart, knocking it out of the way. She was furious of course, used some profanity, but I just kept on moving. A little further down the aisle, I passed another gentleman who smiled and said, "Nice job, buddy."

I didn't see her again until the checkout line. She was one lane over from me, still blabbing on the phone. With only one free hand, she was unloading her cart one item at a time. The cashier and the bagger were waiting on each item as it moved down the conveyer belts.

I saw her in the parking lot, too. She was leaving the store as I was leaving the parking lot. I imagined sideswiping her cart with my car, a mental image which kept a smile on my face all the way home.