"I had an orange river of grease running down my leg!"

Yep, this story takes the cake for being the most hilarious and disgusting news item of the year:

Dieters have been flocking to drugstores to pick up Alli, the first over-the-counter weight-loss pill to be approved by the Food and Drug Administration, despite the scary warning: Stray too far from your low-fat diet and you just might poop your pants.

It gets soooooo much better from there:

It can strike any time — even in the early hours of the morning. One user writes: “(Y)a know how when you start moving around in the morning ya pass a little gas. Well, I did and then went into the bathroom and to my horror I had an orange river of grease running down my leg.”

I love how the article makes all of this sound like fun. As if its a game to see if you can eat unhealthy while on this pill and avoid leaving a trail of your own shit wherever you walk:

Fellow cheaters advise each other on the best clean-up methods, and some even suggest using panty liners or Depends. One frugal user noted, “I’m thinking that infant diapers might be a cheaper way to go, just use them as a large pad.”

And there you find the truth: this pill is part of a conspiracy to boost sales of Depends adult diapers.

The bright side: You'll be able to smell the stupid people while they're still far enough away avoid.